


i'll tell you all about it

by rabbitsparty



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, Lots of it, M/M, Post-lawsuit, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 11:46:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6327700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabbitsparty/pseuds/rabbitsparty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been months since he left and Chanyeol only wants to hear why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll tell you all about it

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted from my LiveJournal, sequel to i will set my sail again. Inspired by Chanyeol's rap in Promise, which still makes me emotional.

Despite the shouting that was coming from Joonmyun outside of Chanyeol's shared room, he continued to sit on his bed in the room by himself as he stared at the random message that had just showed up on his computer. He could just tell by how it was written who it was from and it made him almost tell Joonmyun to come into the bedroom and read the message too, but instead he yelled from the room that he wasn't feeling good and he'd just hear about the movie from Kyungsoo and Jongin later. This message was more important to him than whatever movie that they'd end up watching after ten minutes of arguing.   
  
… _Do you think we could talk in a couple of minutes? I know it's been months, but please, it's important. I want to hear your voice again, Chanyoellie. Please._  
  
Chanyeol set up his webcam on his computer, signing into his Skype account while going through various ways to reply to the message. Minutes later when everything was set up, Chanyeol sent back just a “ _okay, but make it quick, joonmyun hyung is wanting to watch a movie with everyone_ ” as he waited anxiously for a sign that the other was calling.   
  
It shocked him when it was telling him the other was calling that the profile picture was now of a flower instead of his face, Chanyeol then seeing him for the first time in months. The other was right, it had been months since they'd talked, seen each other... Chanyeol knew exactly how long exactly it had been.   
  
He took in the other's background: It looked like he had been inside of a hotel and he was in a robe, his hair wet. Although seeing him brought up the anger he had felt for these past months they hadn't talked, Chanyeol had to admit that since he last saw him, the other looked so much better: He looked less tired, a smile spread across his face. _He looked so much happier_.   
  
“You look good, Chanyeollie.” The familiar voice had spoke. It's been so long that he almost forgot what it sounded like. A part of him wanted to touch the screen and imagine they were face-to-face, not secretly video chatting while Sehun probably argued with Minseok over the two movies they had finally picked. “I've missed you so much you have no idea. You know... I've wanted to message you so many times but I didn't know how to do it, y'know? I almost went through with it a couple of times, almost pressing 'send' but last minute I stopped...” He looked down and then back up to the screen, “What I'd do to be there with you right now.”   
  
“Then why did you leave, Yifan? Huh? You could have me all you want right now.” Chanyeol snapped.  
  
Yifan looked at him like he'd already been expecting Chanyeol to snap at him, waiting for the rest of it. When he said nothing else, Yifan cleared his throat and looked straight towards the computer. “It's not that easy, Chanyeol. As much I miss you and want to be with you, it's important that I left and sued the company.”   
  
“No it's not! We have to take sides and as much as I want to support you, I can't do anything. It's not as easy as you are making it sound, Yifan... Do you know how many nights that Minseok hyung had to comfort Tao after you left? Do you know how angry Kyungsoo was that you couldn't say that you were thinking about leaving before you did? Or how many nights Kyungsoo hyung had to ask me if I was okay when he caught me crying?” Chanyeol raised his voice only a little bit. “You don't get to leave and think that everything is easy. No way, not when every one was going through hell. You left us right before our big concert! You left in the middle of promotions! It's not right that you get to leave and think that everything is easy because it's not. Do you know how long we're all up now learning to take over your parts in songs? How long we spend in the dance practice room? Jongin said he hasn't even slept in two days!” Chanyeol goes off. He wanted Yifan to know how hard they'd had it since then. “While you are probably somewhere in China sipping coffee and relaxing on the couch - ”   
  
“Stop it, Chanyeol!” Yifan interrupted by yelling louder than Chanyeol could, his voice shaky. He took a deep breath and Chanyeol pushed the laptop off his lap and onto his mattress in front of him, Yifan shaking his head. “Do you think I wanted to do this to you guys? I was looking forward to that concert! It was our first big solo one and I wanted to be there so bad but I just couldn't do it anymore. I'm so sorry that I left and made it harder for you guys but it's not easy here, I'm not sipping coffee and relaxing on my couch like you think I am. I'm having to avoid being seen and I'm trying to figure out what my next step is.” He said lower, but Chanyeol could still see the anger on his face. “I was just eighteen when I was hired as a trainee. All I wanted was to be in entertainment, do you think I had any idea how hard I would have to work, to fight just to get a spot in a band? And after everything, no one seemed to care, they seemed to just hate me for me being in the band _they_ chose for me. They wanted me to suffer and they expect me to stay there for the next twenty years of my life? And for what? Two rap lines alongside Tao out of a four minute song? Barely any acknowledgement when I was on stage? I was so exhausted and I had been hurting so bad, I just wanted someone to know what I was going through but it seemed like no one wanted to listen. So I was tired of it and I decided that I wanted out of having to go through all of it just for barely anything.” He ranted.   
  
Just hearing all of this made Chanyeol turn from anger to his heart aching for Yifan. How could they have been together and he never notice any of that about Yifan? He'd noticed at times when both EXO-M and EXO-K were together practicing for dance routines that Yifan had been holding back tears, but Yifan always shrugged it off. Chanyeol thought of those times when he'd catch Yifan stopping for a few minutes to catch his breath or getting water through rehearsals, backstage when he was talking about being in pain but didn't go into too much detail. Those times when they'd all been filming EXO Showtime together and Chanyeol would notice that Yifan had been struggling to keep up with everyone else. He one time tried saying something to one of the producers but Yifan had begged him not to say anything, he would be fine. How many times had Yifan had brushed something so serious off just to work alongside the other members? And to think, Chanyeol had only told him that he'd feel better soon, that he could be coming down with a cold or he'd been working his body too much.   
  
“I know I promised you that the only reason why we'd be apart from each other was because of recording and promotions, but I'm sorry I couldn't hold onto my promise. I wanted to be with you for longer, but I'm so, so sorry.” Yifan says after a couple minutes of silence from both of their sides. Chanyeol - who felt like he was going to get sick now - had been so busy with remembering all those times of happiness were times of suffering for Yifan that he hadn't even realized that there was silence between the two of them.   
  
“But we were together for so long, Yifan... I loved you, why didn't you say anything?” Chanyeol mutters. “Did you even care about our relationship?”   
  
Yifan scoffed, running a hand through his hair. “Of course I fucking cared about our relationship! We barely saw each other as it was, I didn't want to ruin the moments we did spend together. Do you really think I wanted our limited time spent with me telling you how many hospital trips I made? How many times I almost passed out? I just wanted to be around you and your positivity because even though you never knew anything, you made me feel like things would get better at some point. That's why I stayed for so long – Because I hoped things would... Now, whenever I feel lonely, I like to think about the times we spent together and I feel happy for a few minutes until I realize we'll never get to have them again.”   
  
“I miss you so fucking much, Yifan.” Chanyeol cries.   
  
“I know this may not be enough for you, but I'm sorry and I want you to know that I love you. I hope you are doing well, because I am. I'm finally feeling so much better.” Yifan says, hesitating for a few minutes before he said, “Maybe one day we'll get to see each other again after everything and we can go and grow old together... But if that doesn't happen, thank you. Thank you for all the memories and everything else.”   
  
And right after that before Chanyeol could even reply, Yifan had ended their call. Just like that?! He wanted to continue this conversation, wanted to know what Yifan had been up to since he'd left months ago. Or maybe one last time to say I love you before they didn't speak ever again.   
  
Slamming his laptop closed, Chanyeol grabbed a pillow and put it up to his face, screaming into it until his throat felt raw. He was surprised that no tears were spilling down his face, that tears weren't blurring up his sight, but instead there were no tears. Why wasn't he crying? Had he already cried all the tears he would cry on Yifan?   
  
Frustrated, he left his bedroom and walked into the living room where he saw Minseok cuddling up next to Lu Han, who occasionally covered his eyes from the scary parts of the movie. He saw Sehun's arm wrapped around Joonmyun's arm, Jongdae and Baekhyun sitting together at the end of the couch. Tao sat close to Lay while Jongin and Kyungsoo sat on the floor next to each other. He sat in the chair that was empty in hopes that no one saw him, but he was wrong when Joonmyun looked up at him with a bright smile.   
  
“You decided to join us after all, Chanyeol?” Joonmyun says, “Are you feeling any better?”   
  
“I am, Joonmyun hyung. Thank you.” Chanyeol mumbled with a weak smile. If only they had known what had just happened inside of Chanyeol's room, the real reason why he'd missed some of the movie.   
  
That night when they are all asleep, Chanyeol finds himself crying like he'd done since Yifan left, the thought of him having to go through so much and yet he couldn't do a damn thing and the sound of his voice after so many months came crushing down on him at once. He could hear a light being turned on but he tried to ignore it until an arm running down his back shocked him, Chanyeol hoping that somehow it had been Yifan, but instead he saw a concerned Jongin. It was always Kyungsoo who had comforted him, but he found comfort in Jongin as he rubbed his back and sat in his bunk bed, saying over and over to him, “It's alright, hyung. Hopefully one day we'll know why Kris hyung left us.”   
  
But he knew. Chanyeol knew exactly why Yifan had left.


End file.
